


Over The Line

by Manalyzer



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 10:07:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17578862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manalyzer/pseuds/Manalyzer
Summary: When she found her voice, it came out huskier than normal. “What is it you want?”He didn’t break their eye contact but she saw him move closer to her. “You know.” His voice was deep, quiet in the stillness of the room as he stalked over to her. “You’ve always known. From the moment our eyes met each other’s over the view screen there’s been something between us. It just grown over time. I’ve just been waiting on you.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, after quite a few people messaged me asking about a sequel to my first story Must I break, I decided that maybe I could try. And I did!  
> You should probably read that story first, since its referenced in this one. However, if you don't, this story should still make sense. :) 
> 
> Once again, a huge thanks to the amazing doyouthinkimspooky and wonderful lodessa for all their help with this fic, and for dealing with my craziness. You guys are the best and I'm so thankful for the friendships I've made in this fandom!

* * *

 

 

The whiskey burned her throat as she swallowed, her eyes tearing up a bit. She wasn’t quite as used to the good stuff as she had once been, but tonight called for the real stuff instead of the synthehol they’d had in the mess hall earlier during the shipwide celebration.

They were home. Well, close enough. Currently, Voyager was docked at a space dock just above Earth, after Starfleet decided to wait until morning to host a homecoming celebration including a fly-over above San Francisco. Some of the crew had disembarked for the evening to the bars and restaurants on site, but she found herself sitting alone, in her cabin, drinking from the bottle she’d saved for this moment of celebration. A bottle she’d never anticipated drinking alone.

Her com badge chirped for a moment and she tapped it. “Janeway here,” she exhaled as she took another drink. It was her first real night off in seven years and she really truly hated to be interrupted.

“Sorry to disturb you, Captain, but I’ve got an incoming call from you. She says her name is Gretchen Janeway. I thought you’d like to take it,” the ensign that was manning the comms replied.

Her breath hitched in her throat. Her mother. “Yes, thank you ensign. Send it to my quarters, please.” She quickly placed the almost empty glass down on the table and made her way over to her desk, sitting and touching the connect button. The screen was blank for a few seconds and then the face of her mother appeared and she couldn’t stop the tears from springing into her eyes.

“Mom,” she whispered through her tears and raised her hand to touch the screen.

“Katie! Oh Katie! They told me you’d made it home but I didn’t believe it until now,” her mother gasped and mirrored her hand placement.

Blinking hard to try and clear her eyes, Kathryn smiled at her mother. “I’m so sorry I didn’t contact you. I’ve been inundated with so many admirals and everyone wanting to know what happened and how it happened, I didn’t have a chance to send you a message. Then I saw what time it was at home and didn’t want to wake you.”

Her mother returned her smile. “I understand completely. Don’t worry about that. How are you, sweetheart?”

Taking a deep breath, she stared at her mother. Time had been kind to her, kinder than it had been to herself. Her mother was just as beautiful as she remembered. Her silver hair spilled around her shoulders, her bright blue eyes sparkled just as much as she remembered. She had a few more lines around her eyes and mouth, but other than that, she looked the same as when she had left. Her arms ached to reach through the screen and hug her.

“I’m fine, mom,” she answered. “How are you guys? How’s Phoebe?”

“Oh we are all well. Phoebe is wonderful. You should’ve seen her face when I told her you were home. She’s so excited to see you. She and her husband are planning to bring the kids to tomorrow’s homecoming celebration,” her mother answered smiling broadly. “Oh Katie, we’ve all missed you so much. I’m still in shock. I can’t believe I’m really talking to you. We thought for so long that we had lost you forever.”

The tears that had welled up in her eyes suddenly spilled over her cheeks, and Kathryn brought her hand up to brush them away quickly. “I know. I’m so sorry, mom. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“Oh my sweet girl, there is nothing to be sorry for!” Her mother cried out. “This wasn’t your fault. I’m just so incredibly happy that you are home.”

Kathryn didn’t have the heart to tell her that it was her fault. She still bore the burden of being the one to order the Caretaker’s array destroyed. It was her decision that had gotten them stranded in the first place. Seven years later, and she still couldn’t fully forgive herself. Yes, she would’ve still made the same choice, but she still wished she could’ve saved her crew before having to do so.

Her mother’s stare brought her out of her reverie. “Sweetheart, are you sure you’re okay? I honestly would’ve thought you’d look happier.”

She smiled, or tried to. She wasn’t sure if it reached her eyes and had a feeling it probably looked more like a grimace. “I am fine, mom. It’s just been an exhausting day. Well, honestly, an exhausting seven years,” she huffed a laughed, low in her throat.

“Where’s that first officer of yours?” Her mother’s question startled her, her breath catching her throat. “Honestly, Katie, I would’ve thought you two would be celebrating together tonight.”

Kathryn was a little shocked at her mother’s question. Shaking her head slightly, she asked, “Why would you assume that?”

Her mother’s eyebrow rose in an expression Kathryn was fully familiar with. She’d seen it enough in her youth and had seen it in her mirror quite recently. “Well, you did speak about him frequently enough in your letters. It didn’t take much to see how close the two of you are.” Her mother smiled gently at her.

Oh, if her mother only knew. Honestly, if only she knew herself. So much had changed between them in the last several months, and she knew she was ultimately to blame. The night they had shared after the temporal anomaly that had sent Chakotay through different time periods on Voyager had been wonderful, until she had realized that he had seen a future Voyager. She had been so sure, so hopeful, that they were close to their journey’s end. Letting herself be with him had felt natural, like coming home. When she had shut the door on their relationship once she realized her hope was futile, she’d known he was upset. Her desolation had been quiet, as she tried to work past it as well. Not only had she told him no to their sexual relationship, she’d taken a step back fully from their personal relationship as well, hoping that placing distance between them would help them both realize that she was only doing what needed to be done. What would benefit not only the ship, but the both of them as well in the long run. Recently she’d tried to reach back to him, inviting him to lunch or to have dinner, wanting that close friendship to return. He had always passed on the offer, asking for rain checks, and of course, now she knew why.

He’d done what she asked. She couldn’t be upset with him for going out and finding happiness where he could. Oh, it hurt though. More than she had thought it would. When her future self had, none too gently, revealed the information that not only were Chakotay and Seven together, but that their relationship would one day lead to marriage, she had felt her heart break fully. That chapter of her life, one that had never fully been written, had come to a close. She couldn’t help but think back to their night together, and wonder if she’d made a different decision then, what life could look like now. The most heartbreaking thing in the whole situation, however, was the fact that her nagging feeling had been correct. They were home, only a few months later. Home, but so very alone.

Tears poured down her face as she looked at her mother. “I suppose he’s celebrating with someone else.”

Her mother’s brows drew together and she reached her hand back up to her screen. “My sweet girl, what happened?”

No longer able to keep her emotions in check, Kathryn poured her heart out. It felt so good to have someone to talk to, finally, and she felt the floodgates open. Everything she felt, everything she’d done flowed out of her as her mother listened, her face sympathetic. It hurt. She was home, but it hurt worse than any of their days in the Delta Quadrant. When they’d finally arrived back into the Alpha Quadrant, she’d been in shock and looked to her side, expecting to see him there, steady with her, as always. When he hadn’t been, she found herself faltering; unsteady for the first time in a long time without his strength. Seeing him standing beside Seven at her station, she had felt sucker punched, her gut rolling with emotion. She’d always expected him to be beside her during their final moments, and now, that had all gone to hell. And who was to blame? She was. For everything.

Her mother was quiet for a few moments after Kathryn finished speaking. “Have you even spoken to him? Have you told him how you truly feel?”

Kathryn shook her head. “It’s not that easy, mom. He’s moved on, he’s with Seven now.”

Her mother huffed a sigh. “That doesn’t matter.” At her incredulous look, her mother continued, “It doesn’t. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that regret is what you make it. You can never regret telling someone how you feel, even if they don’t reciprocate it. You can, however, live a long life regretting decisions you didn’t make; regretting never telling someone that you love them, or telling them too late.”

Kathryn swallowed the lump in her throat. “And if I’m too late?”

Her mother shook her head, her eyes sparkling with tears for her daughters unhappiness. “Well, then, you know, and you live a life without regret, knowing you did everything you could.”

Could she do it? Did she even deserve to do it now, knowing that he was with someone else? He deserved to know, even if she didn’t deserve him. Never being one to shirk responsibility, she found herself agreeing with her mother.

Nodding gently as she wiped her remaining tears from her cheeks, she kissed her fingertips and reached up with one hand to touch the screen once more. “You’re right mom. Like always. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

Gretchen smiled again, and mimicked her movements. “See you tomorrow, Katie. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she replied and disconnected. As the screen darkened she sat back in her chair. Her heart was racing with trepidation. She wondered if she should wait to seek him out, but decided that the sooner the better, otherwise her anxiety would just grow.

“Computer,” she spoke aloud into the empty room. “Locate Commander Chakotay.”

“Commander Chakotay is in his quarters,” the disembodied feminine voice replied.

“Is he alone?” She asked, her stomach knotting in fear that she wasn’t.

“Affirmative.”

Smiling slightly, Kathryn stood and walked to her replicator. Ordering a bottle of celebratory champagne, her depressing whiskey no longer holding its charm, she grabbed a couple glasses from the shelf. Once the bottle was finished, she grabbed it and made her way out the door to Chakotay’s quarters. Knowing she could just use the guise of celebrating their homecoming, the knot in her stomach loosened a little.

She pressed the chime on the door and quickly stepped inside as the doors swished open. His quarters were darkened, except for a few candles almost fully burnt down on the table. The table, full of the remains of a half eaten dinner for two, mocked her. She’d clearly interrupted something. It was a scene so reminiscent to their weekly dinners together, that her heart clenched in her chest. Dinners that were well in the past now. Looking around the room, her eyes finally fell on him. He was sitting on the sofa, his head in his hands as he looked up at her through his fingers. “Captain,” he said quietly.

She looked back at the table for a moment before returning her gaze to him. “I’m sorry for interrupting. I thought perhaps, we could celebrate our victory.” She raised the bottle of champagne. “But I should probably go. I’m sorry I disturbed you.”

He stood quickly. “There’s nothing to interrupt. Seven left a while ago.”

While she was glad he didn’t try to hide the fact that he was in a romantic relationship, the admiral must have made him aware that she knew, it didn’t stop her heart from dropping into her stomach when he said her name and she instantly regretted her decision to listen to her mother. She turned slightly and set the champagne and glasses on the edge of the table.

She turned her back to him. “I really should go. This was a bad idea.”

“Everything is always a bad idea, isn’t it, Captain?” He shot back at her.

Startled, she swiveled back to face him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He stared at her, his eyes dark, until he broke away shaking his head. “You know what, you’re right, I could use a drink. It’s been a shitty day.” He stormed passed the table and over to the cabinet, pulling out a bottle of Anterian cider. Grabbing two small glasses, he poured some into each. Heading back to the couch, he shoved one into her hand as he passed by, before sinking to the couch taking a long sip.

“I never thought our return home would be classified as a shitty day,” she said, making her way over to the chair. She sat down gingerly on the edge of the seat, ready to bolt if needed.

“Seven left. For good.” He looked down at the glass in his hands, keeping his eyes away from her.

Kathryn was stunned. The silence stretched between them at his admission. Finally, she whispered, her voice thick with hesitation. “I don’t understand. The admiral said you were together in the future. That you marry.”

He chuckled a dark laugh. “Well, I guess that timeline no longer exists.” He waved his drink around slightly, and she got the impression it wasn’t really his first of the night. “The admiral made sure of that. I don’t know if that would’ve mattered anyway. Seven picked up on the tension between us after the admiral’s admission. Tonight, at dinner, she brought it up. She asked about you and me. I couldn’t lie to her. I told her what had happened.” He stood up and made his way to the other side of the room. “She was angry at me, hurt. I mean, in that Seven way. I could tell she was at least. Then she told me that she thought that after everything the admiral had said to her, and then the tension she was picking up, combined with our history, that it would be best to end things before it got too serious between us.” He looked at her, his eyes bright with emotion. “Even when it’s not you, it’s still you between us!”

Confused at his last statement, she stood, placing her untouched drink down on the coffee table. “I’m sorry. I should go, let you grieve.”

He laughed at that, a dark laugh that didn’t reach his face. “Not a whole hell of a lot to grieve over, there, Captain. Just a few dinners, a couple stolen kisses. I guess it could’ve been more one day, but we’ll never know.” He turned his back to her looking out the window at the still stars in the distance. His voice dropped and some of the anger left, as his tone became resigned. He sighed, “It’s probably for the best though. She was playing at love. This was her first real human experience. To her, it was a young love, if even love, really. Sometimes it felt more like an experiment than anything. Always comparing us to what she’d studied.”

He turned back to her and took a swig of his drink, emptying his glass. “That’s not what I want though. I’m pushing 50 here. I’m not interested in young love. I want a love that is rooted in deeper foundations. Something to grow with.” He smiled, ruefully. “Don’t get me wrong, it was fun while it lasted. It was nice to get caught up in something again. But it wasn’t fully real. It isn’t what I want.” His eyes caught hers and the moments stretched between them.

She felt like her feet were strapped to the floor, she couldn’t move from his gaze. Her breathing quickened, and she felt her heart beat heavily in her chest. When she found her voice, it came out huskier than normal. “What is it you want?”

He didn’t break their eye contact but she saw him move closer to her. “You know.” His voice was deep, quiet in the stillness of the room as he stalked over to her. “You’ve always known. From the moment our eyes met each other’s over the view screen there’s been something between us. It just grown over time. I’ve just been waiting on you.”

As she felt his toes meet hers, she looked up into his face. The darkness of the room made it harder to see the look in his eyes, but she could see the flicker of arousal, hidden by an emotion she couldn’t place.

“I’m here now,” she whispered and was taken aback at the way her voice croaked. She swallowed hard.

He looked at her, his eyes tracing her face. She could see the tip of his tongue dart out to wet his lips, and was so distracted that she almost missed his question. “Why are you here?”

Forcing herself to break her gaze away from his mouth, she took a step back and looked into his eyes. “I talked to my mother tonight. She made me realize the things that I’d regret. I’ve already got too many regrets, Chakotay. I don’t want you, us, to be one of them.” She reached up and placed her hand on his chest, rubbing her thumb back and forth against his uniform, just as his thumb had traced her hand their last night together, the way it had back on New Earth.

He closed his eyes. She felt his body tense slightly and as his eyes opened, he grabbed hold of her hand and took a step back. “I can’t do this if you are just going to leave again, Kathryn,” he whispered, his voice trembling.

She wanted to smile at the use of her first name on his lips but his words hit her square in the chest. How could he think she would leave him now? She started to shake her head and deny it but was interrupted.

“I need to think.” His voice rose in defense. “You know, Seven wasn’t just some rebound girl. I cared about her. I may not have loved her, but we had something.” He was angry now and she pulled her hand from his grasp. “How dare you just think you can waltz back in here and I’d fall at your feet? Why now? Is it because I was with someone, and that someone wasn’t you?”

 

What? Is that what he thought? And honestly, if Seven wasn’t some kind of rebound girl, what the hell was she? They had nothing in common! “Excuse me?” Her voice rose an octave. “Is that really what you think? That I’m just here now because you were with Seven? And, honestly, Chakotay, why Seven? There are so many women to choose from, why did you choose Seven? Was she just the next best thing?” She knew that was a low blow, but couldn’t keep her anger in.

She could see the twitch in his jaw and watched as his fists clenched at his sides. “The next best thing?” He growled, honestly growled at her. “You want to know why? Because she pursued me! She made me feel wanted, finally! Seven years of being pushed away, not feeling like I was worthy of anything, and she finally made me feel wanted.” He paused and took another step into her, crowding her personal space and she stood her ground, not giving in to the desire to turn and run. “After our night together, you made it clear to me that I didn’t matter to you. Not more than Voyager. Not more than being a captain. You loved your damn ship more than you could ever love me. At least Seven treated me like a fucking person!”

She took a step into him, her body fully pressed up against his, and lifted her head as high as she could. If he was going to try and intimidate her, he had another thing coming. “How dare you. It was never about love. Do you really think that I loved our circumstances? That if given the choice, I would’ve chosen Voyager over you?”

“Yes,” he said with finality. His chest pushed against hers with every breath he took, and she was suddenly thankful she was still wearing her boots so that she didn’t have to crane her neck up as far to look him in the eyes. “Every step of the way it was like that. Even when we were on New Earth, you still couldn’t let go. You wanted to get back to your damn ship more than you wanted me.”

She pushed him away then, and he stumbled slightly before catching himself on the arm of the chair. “Because that’s what the circumstances dictated!” She was so angry now. Angrier than she had been in a long while. Probably since the events with the Equinox. “I told you, over and over! I couldn’t be with anyone while I tried to get us home! Would it have been better to make you a promise that we would be together when we got home? How could I do that, knowing that the chances for that were so slim? No! I loved you too much to do that to you! If I couldn’t have a life, I could at least ensure that you did! That’s what you do for those you love. You make sure their life is better!” Her breathing was heavy now. Her heart ached to think that all these years he thought she’d loved a stupid ship more than she could ever love him. How had he never realized that it was the journey that kept them apart? Not her.

“I didn’t want that!” He yelled back at her. “Can’t you see? All I ever wanted was you, and dammit, Kathryn, I was willing to wait a lifetime! I loved you! That was my choice! Every time you pushed me away, I didn’t feel love, I felt abandonment. I felt you choosing your ship, your captaincy over me!”

Her heart fell at the realization. During those moments where she chose to let her love for him dictate her choices in pushing him away so he could be happy, he’d only ever saw them as denial; as not being worthy of her love. She loved him so much, she’d honestly forgotten what it was like to even love someone else. Of course, she could remember being in love with past lovers, but nothing compared to what she now felt for Chakotay.

Standing in front of him, their chests heaving as they stared into each other’s eyes, she realized that in their anger, they had both just used the words they’d denied each other all these years. The tension grew between them, a palpable heavy moment of silence stretched out.

As if by magnetism, they each closed the distance between them and their lips crashed together. It was nothing like their first night together. This time, their teeth clashed against each other, clicking loudly in the silence of the room. Hands groped and grabbed wherever they could reach. Feverish kisses swept from lips to cheeks to necks and back to lips. Their groans mixed together as their tongues grappled for dominance. She felt him push her backwards and her thighs hit the table hard. Pushing her against it, he swiped his arm across the forgotten dinner set up, his lips never leaving hers. Half eaten plates of food crashed to the floor, and she heard the tinkle of glass breaking. For a moment she was caught off guard by the smell of smoke, but realized that in his haste, he had pushed the candles to the floor where they were extinguished.

Their roaming hands quickly divested them of their uniforms. He lifted her up onto the edge of the table and bent low as he drew her underwear quickly down her legs. She kicked her feet, flinging the offending cloth off her legs and across the room, and moaned as he pushed her thighs apart and his lips dove down onto her, greedily finding and sucking her clit in between his lips. Oh! She knew he’d be good at this. His tongue swirled around her as she felt herself grow wetter in anticipation, she leaned back slightly. Then, his teeth grazed her just right and her entire body sparked, her thighs trembling in need. She was already so close. Grabbing his hair, she pulled him back up to her. Running her hand over his lips to wipe away her juices, she brought his mouth back to hers, her tongue seeking his, as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Her free arm snuck between them and she rubbed her palm against his straining erection. He groaned into her mouth and pushed into her in one swift motion.

She stilled for just a moment at the intrusion and then arched her hips into his, hard. Taking the hint, he began to move with a feverish urgency, her hands resting on his waist. So unlike their first time together, but so so good. She felt him reach down and circle her clit with his thumb and she threw her head back. He bent down and sucked greedily on her collarbone, his groans muted against her skin. His rhythm faltered and she realized he was as close as she was.

Desperate, they crushed their bodies together, seeking completion. It didn’t take long until they were both flying. She felt herself tighten around him, and his hot rush filled her as her body spasmed around him. He thrust a few more times, and then his head came to rest heavily against hers.

They breathed each other in, their hearts slowed down until she felt their tempo matching. Her forehead rested against his, and she brought her hand up, raking it through the hair at the nape of his neck. Well, that wasn’t exactly what she had anticipated when she came here tonight, and barely daring to hope that he would react well.

Grinning, she looked up at him and saw a question in his eyes. She answered him with a kiss, and breathed across his lips the words so there’s no question. “ I love you, Chakotay. And I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

She was rewarded by his broad smile as he pulled her closer to him, kissing her so gently this time, she had to fight the tears that sprung behind her lids. Pulling out of her, he helped her off the table. She looked around the room at the disarray, and watched as he bent down to pick something up. The bottle of champagne she’d brought and promptly forgotten. He looked up at her and she shrugged, stretching slightly. Moving past him, unashamed at her nudity, she made her way to his bedroom.

As she reached the door, she turned to look back over her shoulder at him, and couldn’t help the grin that stretched across her face at his appearance. There he was, standing naked, amidst the chaos of broken plates and uneaten food, holding an unopened bottle of champagne. She couldn’t fight the joy that rose up in her chest.

“Don’t forget the glasses,” she said, her voice taking on a seductive tone. “We’ve got a lot of celebrating to do.” Turning, she made her way into the bedroom, as she heard his answering chuckle, and flurry of feet against the carpet.


	2. Epilogue

* * *

Epilogue

 

Gretchen Janeway stood amongst the huge crowd gathered to witness the miraculous return of Voyager and her crew. The excitement was palpable, and as the crew started to disembark shouts of joy erupted from the crowd. Each crew member’s name was announced as they walked down the ramp. The families of those crewmembers met them with hugs and congratulatory cheers at the bottom as they were whisked away to the convention hall where the welcome home celebrations were to be hosted. 

Finally, all that remained were the senior officers. Gretchen felt her daughter Phoebe grab hold of her hand as they strained to see over the crowd towards the ramp. As Lieutenants Torres and Paris walk down to the arms of the Paris family, Gretchen couldn’t help but smile at the small bundle in the half-klingon’s arms. Finally, she heard the name of Commander Chakotay, and looked up to finally rest her eyes on the man her daughter had talked so much about. She could see what captivated her with him, he was definitely handsome. If he was anything like how her daughter described, she had no doubt she’d like him. 

A roar came up from the crowd and she watched as Chakotay turned to look up the ramp, his face brightening at what he saw, a besotted smile dancing across his lips. She followed his gaze and her vision clouded from the tears that spilled down her cheek as she finally laid her eyes on her daughter. Kathryn stood at the top of the ramp, and Gretchen could see her daughter’s visible discomfort at all the attention. Her hands come up to her mouth as she watched her daughter walk down the ramp and pause by Chakotay. Kathryn lifted her hand and waved out to the crowd which cheered louder. She smiled and waved when she saw Kathryn lift her hand to shield her eyes from the sun and cheered when she saw her meet her gaze. Kathryn’s face lit up and she waved, a huge grin plastering her face. Gretchen couldn’t help but smile wider as Kathryn leaned in to Chakotay and pointed her out in the crowd. He smiled and waved, and Gretchen waved back as she moved forward into the crowd, excited to hug her daughter. 

As she drew closer, she couldn’t help but gasp a little. She turned to Phoebe to see if she saw what she did. At Phoebe’s grin, she turned back and watched her daughter and Chakotay. It appeared that her advice had not fallen on deaf ears. Her smile broadened as she watched her Kathryn and Chakotay walk down the ramp towards her, hand in hand. Together. 

She smiled.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for all the amazing comments and messages from my first Voyager story in over 15 years and for all the kindness welcoming back into the fandom! I finally feel like I'm at home again. You guys have no idea the balm to my soul you've been and I appreciate all of you! 
> 
> I'm so happy to be here!


End file.
